A tinder date fizzling out - I sense urgency. What do I do? What can I say to save this? It’s simple. 

I pull up my trousers, ever so slightly, to reveal my socks. She discovers these socks - my ‘Just Once’ favourites. As she pieces it together that I am a Saints devotee, the Luke Penny drops. 

"If he can survive being a Sainter… he can withstand the difficulties of modern relationships," she thinks...

The date is saved. We marry. We bear child. Five of them. Four boys and a girl. Lenny, Lazar, Grieser, Dal Santo and G-Train. 

The only thing that can complete our happily ever after? A Saints premiership. Just one. Just… Once, before I die.